Considering divorce?

by | 21 Sep 2020

Are you considering divorce?

Have you reached that stage where the prospect is gnawing away in your brain?

Have things gone from heated arguments to emotionally stone cold with your spouse? 

Here are some things to consider that may help you make a decision. 

Divorce is  

  • Liberating
  • Exhausting: the process can take several months which can play havoc with your emotions
  • A way to create a better future for yourself
  • Good for children, if the only other option is to live in a home with parents who no longer love or care for each other and especially not if they are arguing non-stop
  • Common: 42% of marriages end in divorce
  • A way to rediscover your identity
  • Different for everyone
  • A milestone that will change you: you will come out stronger, with better friends and a bright future
  • A joint process

Divorce is not

  • Immoral
  • The end of your relationship with your spouse (at least it’s not the end if you have children together)
  • A way to get revenge or ruin your ex financially (granted, some divorces do lead to financial ruin)
  • Quick
  • Bad for your children
  •  A sign that you are a slut or a whore (women are sometimes made to feel this way)
  • A failure
  • Deserving of taboo
  • The only solution if you are struggling in your marriage.

Even if you really really want to get divorced, you will face conflicting emotions as you go through the process. Here are three questions to consider.

  1. Think about what divorce means to you: what connotations does the word hold, and what stories have you heard or been told? Are they true? Helpful? Do you need to find out more?
  2. What are you looking forward to once your divorce is finalised, and you are moving forward? 
  3. How do you typically react to change?

Spending some time exploring these, whether alone or with your spouse or a coach like me is an opportunity to do some mindset work that will bolster your confidence if you do come to the conclusion that divorce is the right step for your family.

RELATED ARTICLES

‘How long will my divorce take?’ A look at the data.

‘How long will my divorce take?’ A look at the data.

Does the prospect of still being [legally] married this time next year fill you with dread? A commonly-asked question at the start of divorce is ‘how long will this take?’. It’s hard not to give that frustrating response, ‘how long is a piece of string?’. Helpfully,...

read more
Plotting a divorce in secret? Read on…

Plotting a divorce in secret? Read on…

One question I’ve heard over and over during the past three months is, ‘what are you looking forward to once lockdown’s over?’  For some, it’s moving forward with separation and divorce.  Maybe you’re one of the people who’s waiting for a time when you can...

read more