Hugo (not his real name) met me via a Facebook group mid-way through his divorce. He was desperately sad and desperately confused but determined to divorce without squandering savings.
I recently heard from Hugo that he has met a new partner – he’s not only well on his way to recovery; he’s become a poster boy for ‘happy even after’. But it was only a year or so ago that he was mid-divorce: Hugo’s story shows how worthwhile it can be to get through the process as swiftly as possible.
In our first session I realised Hugo was unclear of the divorce process. He referred to out-of-date concepts and was even fighting to keep parental responsibility – which was never under threat as it isn’t compromised by divorce. These conversations with his former wife were causing frustration and not progressing their divorce. They were living together, so tensions were rubbing off on their children too. It had to stop. Divorce coaching was the help Hugo needed. He was keen to stop legal bills from mounting up, and wanted to get his decree absolute as quickly as possible and we were able to establish how best he use his solicitor, and how best he deal with the other issues that were taking up so much time and attention.
As you might expect, Hugo was on an emotional rollercoaster. He was juggling a busy working life with the demands of three children AND divorce. Through divorce coaching sessions we were able to save him hours in planning and decision-making. I was able to suggest tips and resources to save him more time, and help him grit his teeth and face some of the trickier conversations that had to be held.
I know it’s tempting for people in conflict to feel that court is the next option. Hugo was in this place more than once, but was able to reach agreements with his ex via mediation. Typically, I would suggest clients explore and entertain options like this, because court is usually miserable, not to mention miserably expensive. Court cases can take months (if not years) which chips into your savings as much as it does your future happiness.
In many cases, post-divorce relations with an ex see a reduction in stress, and a move towards being more amicable, and this is of course easier when you haven’t had to invest hours raking over old wounds, random bank statements and acrimonious legal documents for a court hearing.
Because I’ve helped lots of people through divorce I really do have faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I see it as my role to help you get there efficiently. I can help you decide which option might be most suitable for your family when there’s no clear path ahead.
Hugo and I developed a good rapport and there was plenty of laughter in our sessions. He deserves his happiness. It was a privilege to help him with his divorce journey and although we’ll never know how bad it could have been (or how bad the bills…) it gives me enormous satisfaction to see how the next chapter of his life has started so happily.
If you’re considering divorce, or would like divorce support, I offer a complimentary Clarity Call where you can find out more about working with me. I offer coaching support through all stages of the divorce process: from decision-making to divorce recovery and I have a special interest in high conflict cases, and coparenting.